i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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