wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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