I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
