Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
