Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
