Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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