im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
