Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize