We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
