Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
