is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
