Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
