she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
