my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i've created a new STD.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
