Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
