The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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