Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
