Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
