My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize