They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize