You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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