Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
