I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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