Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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