I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
