chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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