Where is the hickey?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
