i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize