dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
