he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
