You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
