Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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