And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
