We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
