So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
