If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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