My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
