i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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