Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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