My room smells like vodka and shame
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
