he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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