I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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