On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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