I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
