im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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