He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
