been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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