You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
