if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
