what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
