My friends, they love my intelligence
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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