For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
