Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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