Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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