Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
