If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just gargled with NyQuil
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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