This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
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He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
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Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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