Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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