you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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