I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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