I'm eating all of the evidence.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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