Kiss
Puke
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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