There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
