So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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