do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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