she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
