So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
