i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
