I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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