Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
