I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
