are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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