Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You took a bar mat shot.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As shirtless as possible
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
